Joke of the day.

wanderoar:

roseonabeach:

frostedsammy:

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”

“Yes.”
“Oui.”
“Sí.”
“Ja.”

what

Took me about ten minutes to finally understand this

stupidest/most awesome joke ever

292,733 notes

unimpressedcats:

My husband looks like he’s laughing, but he’s screaming in agony. 

uncensoredhijabii:

jarebearsall:

Hahahahhahaha

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

my-patronus-is-a-winchester:

consulting-khanberbatch:

so i went to the zoo yesterday and saw the cutest family of otters ever

and then i checked their names

image

they’re all NAmED aftER fOOD

EXCEPT kEVIN

WHY

WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS

image

124,517 notes

notmusa:

literally nothing ever sounds like a better option than sleep. there are so many books to read, projects to start, stuff to draw, chores to do, people to meet, hobbies to learn, recipes to cook, i could teach myself mandarin fuckin chinese, but i’d rather be unconscious

133,993 notes

babyferaligator:

landorus:

im gonna die w a boner i know it

die hard

103,699 notes

nicevagina:

nuclearworld:

Woman has a lot of sex: Whore.

Man has a lot of sex: God.

Woman is virgin by choice: Pure magical creature.

Man is virgin by choice: Loser.

society u ok

i’m glad she included the flip side

225,813 notes
I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched. Edgar Allan Poe (via perfect) 9,722 notes
Do me a favor, just one: when you know it’s over, end it. Just end it. Don’t waste my time. Don’t waste yours. (via typewriterdaily) 621 notes
Be picky with who you invest your time in, wasted time is worse than wasted money. Unknown  (via cockkkkkkkk) 75,147 notes
i promise that someday
i’ll buy you a place
where you can say “what a nice view”
and i’ll agree
while looking straight at you
(via mugglesex) 169,534 notes